


a thousand years

by hanorganaas



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 5 Things, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Death Takes Place During The Battle of New York, Canon Temporary Character Death, F/M, Fluff, Headcanon, Romance, Schmoop, Took Them Long Enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 05:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2496167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanorganaas/pseuds/hanorganaas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Phil and Melinda tried to tell each other "I love you" and one time they finally did. (Takes place Pre Avengers up to Episode 2x04)</p>
            </blockquote>





	a thousand years

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally meant for a challenge for 1 Million Words but never finished it. But then I heard the song "A Thousand Years" to a Philinda video and I am like I had to finish this story! For my whole Philinda Family!

**_1._ **

At nineteen years old Phil Coulson felt like a scared little boy. Away from his mother who needed him more than ever now that dad was gone. He felt so small in this big place with hundreds of prospective Agents looking for the same thing. Suddenly there was something that made him feel a bit more comfortable. 

It was a girl no older him. Dark hair, dark brown eyes. Underneath her black sweater she was wearing a gray t-shirt that was unmistakable….even to him. It was…

“Excuse me is that a Captain America T-Shirt?” He squeaked.

She turned around and smiled, her hand gripping to the side of her bag. His heart was racing for the fifth time that day and it wasn’t for nerves. There was no doubt this young mystery women he hoped he wasn’t imagining things, was someone he dreamed about when girls in school snubbed him for being a “Geek.”

“Why yes it is,” The stranger said, “I was basically raised by my father so, instead of playing with dolls and fake kitchens, I played with toy cars and action figures. Dad was obsessed with the comics, he sort of got me into too.”

Phil’s eyes widened in wonder. He was so excited he possibly made a new friend, a female friend with his interests (on his first day at the S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy no less), that his usual filter was shot.

“I lov-” Phil began to utter but quickly caught himself. He probably just ruined his chances. “Shit,” He muttered, “I am so sorry I just creeped you out, I probably…”

The stranger placed her hand over her mouth trying to control her giggles. There was something different in her eyes now. Something warm and kind, almost welcoming.

“You’re adorable,” The stranger said, causing Phil to blush before letting out her hand, “I’m Melinda, Melinda May.”

Phil looked down at her hand before looking back into her eyes again. He took Melinda’s hand gently in his own. His racing heartbeat began to slow to a regular pace. Suddenly he felt comfortable, like he belonged.

Maybe because he wasn’t going to do this alone.

“Phil Coulson,” He said, “first year?”

“Yup you?”

He nodded his head. Melinda released her grip from his hand and placed it back at her side. He was yearning for it again. But at the rate they were going…..it could be back again. 

“Have class around here?”

“History of S.H.I.E.L.D.”

His eyes lit up in joy.

“Me too….wanna walk together?”

“Sure.”

It was amazing how much a new friend….or something more could make all the difference in a home far away from his. Even if he did almost blurt out “I love you” on a whim. 

**_2._ **

“MELINDA WAIT!” Phil said as he grabbed her gently by the arm as she was about to get in the car. 

Maybe it was a mistake to grant clearance from Fury to bring Audrey to the Christmas party Stark was throwing for S.H.I.E.L.D. No it wasn’t a mistake. He couldn’t shove Audrey in a corner like an object just because Melinda was going to throw a fit.

He didn’t understand why Melinda was so angry when he introduced her to Audrey. Part of him told himself that she was still upset in Bahrain. She had been irrational in the days following. Upset, despondent, someone he absolutely despised compared to the carefree girl he met the at the academy. It was the cause of her crumbling marriage and why she hid away to administration in S.H.I.E.L.D rather than doing the things she loved. 

Why wasn’t she HAPPY for him, like he was, with lots of effort, happy for her when she married Felix Blake, who turned out to be an unsupportive coward after Bahrain all those years ago?

He waited for her to realize his feelings for him.

He waited too long.

He was done. 

“Just let me go home Phil,” Melinda growled trying to release herself from his firm grip. 

“Can we talk about this?” Phil said.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

Phil furrowed his brow. People were looking onto the scene as they stepped out of their cars and into the party or getting in to escape as if they were one of those couples fighting in public. He could see Audrey at the corner of his eye slowly making her way down, maybe in hopes to alleviate the situation. Phil turned his head and mouthed “go inside.” A gut feeling told him she was going to make it worse and he didn’t want getting hurt.

Melinda May’s violence these days knew no bounds when she was Angry. It was why Bahrain happened in the first place. He didn’t want Audrey in the crossfire.

“Like hell there is,” Phil growled there is obvious aggravation his usually calm voice, “Why are you are so angry that I brought Audrey?”

“BECAUSE I-” Melinda roared before cutting herself off, “Nevermind this is pointless..”

As the first words hit him as he put two and two together, he slowly let go of her arm. All this time….making him wait for her him…now she says this? After all those years? Why now? Why not back then? Before they went into the field? Before she changed into this unrecognizable shell of a being? When he finally got his life together with a normal person?

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the car speeding off into the night. He stared blankly ahead of him as he watched car get smaller and smaller as it pulled away until finally it was out of his view. 

“You love her don’t you Phil?” He heard Audrey’s voice say as she wrapped her arm around him in a comforting manner. 

“I used to,” He whispered looking into the night, tears of anger building in the corners of his eyes, “at least I thought I did.”

**_3._ **

“PHIL!” Melinda screamed in horror as she caught sight of him, “Fury this is Agent May, Phil Coulson is injured, we need a med team to the jail bay NOW!"

She ran as fast as could through the rubble of the prison wing. Her feet were unsteady as she tried to keep her balance in the freefalling large vessel.The one day she’s in the helicarrier, Loki and his team attacked. She knew the Asgardian was dangerous….but she didn’t realize….how great the cost would be to defeat him.

Phil was slumped on the floor, legs splayed, hands at his side with clenched fists. Weapon resting against his side and his white shirt was covered in blood. She knelt down and took his pale face in her hands.

"Stay awake Phil," Melinda said sharply, "The medical team is com-"

"I am not gonna make it Mel," Phil said through heavily breaths.

Melinda May made it a point not to cry in public since Bahrain. But blinking back tears and swallowing the lump in her throat was not going to help. The man who had been at her side since the beginning of her journey in S.H.I.E.L.D, the man she loved and been a coward to admit it was dying. After all they've been through...how was she going to do this alone? It was all she kept thinking as she turned her head to the sided not let him see her cry.

"Don't cry," He said breaths still sharp and heavy, "We both knew the risks joining this organization...." A smile formed amongst the tears. Every recruit was told the possible risks joining the job and she and Phil were lucky to last as long as they did. There was a long pause only the sound of heavy breathing and sniffles and gulping. "It's only fitting if I am going out....It's in the arms of the person who's been with me since the beginning." He closed his eyes, a weak smile formed on his lips, "I always did...." His eyes opened "I am not going to say it. It's going to be too painful...for you in the long run"

Melinda opened her mouth to speak. She knew what he was about to say and she was ready to respond. But she couldn't. He was right it was too painful.

She didn't need words. She instead leaned forward and gently kissed his forehead, his cheek, and his lips. They stayed kissing him over and over again hoping they could breathe one last bit of life into him.

But deep down she knew it was a lost cause.

**_4._ **

Phil couldn't focus on what Melinda was saying. Her hands were resting on his chest her fingers were dangerously close to his scar. For so long he was so self conscious about it. He was so disgusted it was there as a horrible constant reminder of his "Death." He felt that others would do the same. 

It was why when Melinda asked him to take off his shirt...he hesitated. She was a strong woman who can basically handle everything but his scar...

A noise in a mix of shock and pleasure left his lips. Eye moved between her hands and her eyes. He needed to concentrate not look like a nervous fool. So he closed his eyes and began to focus on her hands.

Most agents, which included the females such as Romanoff and Hill had rough hands from firing guns were rough from firing guns. Not Melinda's they were soft, small and firm. 

Phil never flinched not once. Maybe for so long he yearned to have her hands touch his body. And now here they were...finally there. Where they needed to be.It wasn't out of lust no. It was far from that he trusted her...he...

The words were at the tip of his tongue waiting so desperately to be spoken. It was the same words he tried to say almost a year ago as he slumped on the floor of the jail bay waiting to die. 

"Melinda," He said quietly.

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. For the first time since Bahrain they were the kind and light filled he fell in love with in the academy. He wanted to say it. But something inside him told him he wasn't ready. 

And it was right. There were so many things he needed to do fix within himself before taking that next step. But he knew he will tell her maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but soon. And with a small smile on his face he whispered.

"Thank you."

**_5._**

"That's why I did it...to protect you...I-"

Melinda looked into Coulson's eyes as he angrily helped her get rid of the bullet lodged in her arms. She never in the over 3 decades she knew him seen such hurt and anguish be bared through them. 

Could she blame him?

Part of her knew better not to lie to him when they both knew in the past she was a rule breaker. But the other half knew she had to follow orders from Fury. God forbid she did she would get kicked out of S.H.I.E.L.D. and who would protect him then.

He needed to know why Melinda did it. Went behind his back and betrayed him. But she couldn't say it. At this point would he even believe her. The way he was acting, possibly forgetting the words on the helicarrier the day everything changed...he probably wouldn't believe her.

They were so close and she ruined her chances. She would never forgive herself for that. 

With a deep sigh and a hint of hesitation of her voice she said the words that mask what she really wanted to say.

"You mean a lot to me."

**_And one time They Did:_ **

It was a spur of the moment thing.

Melinda was angry at him. Phil could tell. The moment he asked her to kill him she started to make her way out the door. It pained him to see her like this. Angry, hurt, confused….when just hours ago….seeing her in that beautiful silver dress, looking like a goddess. Of course when she put on her undercover mask it wasn’t there….but when they danced, when she wrapped her arms around him….there was a light in her eyes he thought faded.

And god, she awakened something inside him that had long been gone. He felt….life.

For so long he waited and everytime he tried to get the courage to tell her how he felt, something got in the way, Bahrain, Audrey, Loki, HYDRA, Garrett….

He remembered five years ago at that party when he let Melinda go. She wanted to tell him how she felt. He knew. He had those very feelings too.

And he wasn’t letting her go again.

Phil got up from his seat and the moment she was inches away from the door….he gently gripped her wrist. 

“Wait,” He said, “hear me out. Please.”

Melinda stopped and turned her head. Silent, her brows furrowed.

“The reason why….I am asking you to do this….if I go the way of Garrett,” Phil said quietly, “no, I am not going to talk about that.” As he took her face in his hands he recognized one simple truth he finally know, “I need a reason to keep fighting to keep holding on….” He could feel tears brimming at the corner of his eyes. “Its you Melinda…...I…..I love you.”

Melinda didn’t even have time to say a word. Phil’s lips gently touched hers. He held it for a long time. He didn’t, know how long, minutes? Hours? When her hands moved to rest on his shoulders he tasted the bitter taste of tears on his tongue. He moved his head back only a little to see Melinda’s face shining with tears.

“You’re crying,” Phil said lifting his hand to brush the stray tears from her face, “please don’t cry.”

“These are happy tears Phil,” Melinda said smiling, “Happy tears knowing I love someone….and they love me in return.”

They each made a small breathy laugh as they rested their foreheads against one another, Phil’s fingers moving against her cheeks.

“Well that took a thousand years,” Melinda said sniffing, squeezing his shoulders tightly.

Phil leaned forward and kissed her fervently.

“For you,” He whispered, “I’d wait a thousand more.”


End file.
